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Three visits to the cottage
Aside: Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four
Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness.
Our script is revised from this story . In this play, we add many modern and funny elements. For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名无间道), My Own SWordsman（中文名武林外传）,The Flirting Scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香） were combined in our play. Also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide.
Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue. But this play is the result of painstaking efforts of our group. So we present our script to you and wish you will like it.
Three visits to the cottage
Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the
three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.
SCENE 1: Liubei's home
Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei
Guanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? It's so terrible!
Liubei: Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?
Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.
Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouse
Liubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!
Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.
SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house
Actors: ZhuGeliang Zhu’s Wife
ZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so morose recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What’s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience) I’ve never heart about that. And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. It’s ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?
ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.
Wife： My dear, how about your study?
ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze. I’m dizzy.
Wife： Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can’t pass cet6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Tianjin.(cry)
ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.
Wife： Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see!
ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!
Wife： Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?
ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t.
Wife： You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If I didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now,
ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop! I ‘m going to study hard at once.
Wife (laugh): That's the spirit! Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6. I even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they dun for debts.
ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei?
Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy!
Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?
Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England.
Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang’s house.
SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliang’s house
Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper
Zhangfei: Let me knock the door! Open! Open!!!
Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt?
(Open the door)
Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.
Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.
Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.
Liubei: OK! We will wait for him here!
Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, let’s go home!
Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhugeliang as well . Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is out.
SCENE4 Outside ZhuGeliang’s house
Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper
Zhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him up for you. It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.
Liubei: These days, the borrower is the god! Let’s go there again and show our the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)
Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6. Please wait for a moment!
Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu! Come out! Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece. Get out, or I will burn your house down!
Guanyu: Sunflower press! AI. Litter brother, big brother has said several times, We are intellectuals, understand? Don't be so rude, we are here for debt, not for his life. If you will kill him, where is our money?
Liubei: The submortagage crisis is so serious, don’t you know that simple reason? If you know, please bat your eyes!
Zhangfei (Bat eyes)
Guanyu: sunflower press!!!!!
Zhangfei: Where did you get this KongFu?
Guanyu: Hehe! I get it from a TV program called “My Own SWordsman”, which is so popular with lots of people in China!
Zhangfei: Why not say it earlier? We three brother could run a company of Chinese KongFu if we had know that before!
Guanyu: Oh!! That is a good idea!!!!
Keeper: Don’t interrupt!!!! Boss is reading!!!
Liubei: Keep quite!!!
Aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting, but his wife come back soon.
SCENE 5: ZhuGeliang’s Home
Actors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei Guanyu
ZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last. Ha ha ha ………
Wife: Wof! Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay his money. We can’t let him in.
ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry. I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue
Liubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time!
Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?
Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days.
ZhuGeliang: I owe you $500? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.
Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.
Zhu: Please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder .We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.
Liubei: I’m so surprised! I don’t know you are so ideal.
ZhuGeliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?
Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us?
ZhuGeliang: But I can’t help you, I have accustom the life at present.
Liubei: If you don’t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don’t refuse.
ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.
Zhangfei: (Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now such as the milk. Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?
Guanyu: Yes! We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first.
SCENE 6: ZhuGeliang’s Home
Actors: Wife Keeper
Aside: Because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have been starving for one month.
Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god . CET6 has got 600 scores. Be really to startle the universe and move the gods.
Wife：What happened? 600 scores? Oh! Do not shoulder your several years studying at a cold window; Do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you. After your Master graduates, happy life will approach. Cars, house, money!
SCENE 7: Outside ZhuGeliang’s house
Aside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.
Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei
Wife：Excellent man have a long-range ambition. You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.
ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey .Please take care of yourself.(Turn around) Don’t worried, never miss you!!(Run)
ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty, I will never forget your favour. I should be loyal and devoted to the last.
Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go!!!!!
Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story. Thank you for your attention.
旁白——话说刘关张桃园三结义之后四处奔波 一时间找不到工作 不得不在曹操的公司靠看大门为生 而此时那个传说中的神秘人物诸葛卧龙先生正专心在家复习考试 因为他的老婆黄氏逼着他参加CET-6
刘备 关羽 张飞上
关羽——大哥 咱们都饿了好几天了 这种吃糠咽菜的生活我们要过到什么时候啊 哎
刘备——二弟 这 大哥我怎么可能不难受嘛 可是常言道人在屋檐下 怎能不低头 我们现在曹操的公司里给人家看大门 这年头工作这么难找 我们三兄弟学历又不高 好不容易能有口饭吃就很不错了 哪还有什么奢求呀
张飞 ——大哥 对了 上个月后面山头诸葛亮的老婆来问我们借走了500块钱去给她老公交学费去了 都好久没还 我们是不是应该去要回来
刘备——哎 就是 我怎么这岔给忘了 走 走 走 二弟三弟随我这就上山 （收拾家伙 挽袖子）
诸葛亮——大叫好 我就是绝顶聪明的诸葛亮 可我最近却很是郁闷 我那个娘子非要我去参加什么大学英语六级考试 六级考试是个什么东西 我怎么听都没听说过 还要我看这么厚的书 做这么多的题（拿起手里的金瓶梅给大家亮亮） 我以后可是要当军师的！！又不是这个专业的 干嘛还要要看这种书
诸葛亮——娘子来了 我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一样 说起话来我可受不了 快老实看书（装作认真状）
诸葛亮——娘子啊 这些书看得我头昏眼花 光想打瞌睡
老婆——哎 相公呀 你有所不知 你看 现在外面竞争这么激烈 你要是不好好考六级 将来拿个硕士文凭 以后找不到工作可怎么办呀 我们在这个小村子里都呆了小半辈子了 你看我连稍微大一点的城市 像铁岭都没去过
诸葛亮——娘子 你看老公我这么有才华 以后还愁找不到工作么 这些书太简单了 统统不用看 （扔书）
老婆——哼 ！！你说简单 那我考考你
诸葛亮——怎么 还要考我 舌战群儒我都不怕 小小考试焉能难道我（对观众说）
老婆——我要考你听写（诸葛亮郁闷状） 听着 apple怎么写 desk怎么写
老婆——相公啊 你连这都不会 可怎么办呀 哎呀 我错了 我真的错了 我从一开始就不应该嫁过来 如果我不嫁过来 就不会流落到这么一个伤心的地方 我好后悔呀
诸葛亮——崩溃了 （捂耳朵 忙劝）
诸葛亮——娘子莫哭 娘子莫哭 相公好好看书就是
老婆——（马上变脸） 这还差不多 你知道么 为了供你读书 咱们家已经欠了外面一屁股债 连看大门的我都借过 如果这些人上门来逼债我可怎么办呀
诸葛亮——娘子 你说看大门的 ？ 莫非就是呢个看大门的刘备 （抓胡子 兴奋 点头）
老婆——书童 听着 相公近日温习功课 外人一律不见 来人就说去国外游玩讲学去了书童 遵命
张飞——大哥我来叫门（气愤 敲门 咚 咚 咚）
书童——（从猫眼里看看 跟张飞头对上 幻灯片配李逵的黑脸 吓一跳）莫非是来讨债的 （思考 开门）
书童——哦 不是 主人 主人 出去游玩了 可能很快回来 也可能十多天不回来
关羽——他呢么贪玩 谁知道他什么时候回来 大哥 我们还是走吧
旁白——三人离去 又过了一个月 已是深秋 三人第二次登门拜访 可是仍然没有见着 第三次已经是冬天 屋外下着鹅毛大雪 诸葛亮知道了刘备上门讨债的事情 趁这会老婆黄氏不在 赶紧命书童前去开门
诸葛亮家门口 （下大雪）刘关张 书童上
张飞——大哥 下次要见诸葛小儿 你先给我老三说一声 我把他绑来见你 如此劳烦哥哥 甚是无礼
刘备——哎 二弟三弟 现在欠钱的都是大爷 我们还是再去一回吧 一定要诚心诚意才能打动人家（抹眼泪 幻灯片放杨白劳与黄世仁 咚咚咚敲门）
张飞——（等不及了）诸葛小儿 快出来 大哥二哥 帮我照顾好我七舅老爷他上外甥女。。。。你要是不出来 我就一把火把你这房子烧了！！
关羽——葵花点穴手（幻灯片配合 张飞定住 眼睛睁得大大的）哎 二弟呀 大哥说了你几次了 我们是有文化的人 做人要斯文 要低调懂不 别一上来就舞刀弄枪的 我们是来要债的 又不是来要命的 你把人家砍死了 谁来给我们还债呀
刘备——二弟呀 现在次贷危机呢么严重 怎么这点道理你还不懂呢？ 明白了 你就眨眨眼睛
张飞——哎 二哥 （耸耸肩）你这点穴是那里学的关羽 呵呵 是看了一部很流行的电视剧 武林外传学的
张飞——二哥 你怎么不早说 要早知道你会这么一身手艺 我们三兄弟不如去开个武官 早就发财啦
关羽——是呵 这主意不错书童 主人在看书 不可无礼
诸葛亮家诸葛亮 老婆 刘备上
诸葛亮——刘备 我终于把他给等来了 哈哈哈
老婆——哦！！！相公 这准时我们向我们讨债的 可不能让进来
诸葛亮——老婆大人放心 凭我三寸不烂之舌 定能让刘备空手而归 哈哈哈
刘备—— 卧龙先生 我可找到你了诸葛亮 阁下可是刘备 不知找我所为何事 （装）（此时刘备用枪指着诸葛亮头 幻灯片放无间道）
刘备——哥们儿 你欠我的500块钱什么时候还呀 我们兄弟都饿了好几天了（找个乞丐的幻灯片放放）
诸葛亮——我欠你钱 谁证明 给我一个机会 我想做个好人（无间道台词）
刘备——怎么给你机会诸葛亮 主公请看(扇子指向幻灯片 幻灯片放西农地图 谁有激光灯啥的) 刘皇叔胸怀大志 但是现在却在这里看大门 我们就以这里为根据的 先发展自己的势力 然后进攻曹操便可一统天下
刘备——先生身居山林 却对天下大事了如指掌 不知先生可否随刘备一同下山 共图霸业诸葛亮 （眼珠子转转）可是我已经习惯了现在的生活 看来不能帮你。。。
刘备——（急）如果先生不帮我 天下的百姓又要受苦 请先生莫要推辞
老婆——什么！！600分！！这下终于可以毕业了 太好了 不负我十年寒窗苦，不负我夜夜伴君读 我的美好生活就要来了 房子！车子！！钞票！！！（房子、车子的图片）
老婆——老公 好男儿以事业为重 你去吧 不要想我。。
诸葛亮——亲爱的 我要远行了 你要照顾好自己（转身悄悄说）别担心 肯定不想你！！（出门拜倒在久侯的刘备 关羽 张飞脚下） 主公 您的大恩亮永世难忘 定当鞠躬尽瘁死而后已
旁白——三顾茅庐的故事就此完结。 结束 谢谢观赏 （结束时放猫和老鼠的结尾）